Wedding Stuff

Weddings are a big part of the Cambodian culture. They form one of the most socially interactive parts of Khmer society and, of course, have a long tradition. In Phnom Penh most weddings only extend for one day but in the provinces the weddings are much more relaxed and not rushed. Our wedding will go for around two nights and three days. Every wedding is different and so the following description is really only a wrap of what can be generally expected. If you have never been to Cambodia before then it is important to keep in mind that weddings, like many things in Cambodia, are not altogether strictly organized. In general organization tends to be a very eclectic affair where it seems nothing is actually organized and nobody seems to be in charge. But you may be surprised to see everything gets done according to some sort of plan – which eventually makes the whole experience much easier, welcoming and enjoyable.

For guests to the wedding you will have nothing to do except to enjoy the spectacle. You will be only required to eat, drink, relax, talk and enjoy the atmosphere. It is the bride and groom that do most of the work participating in a wide range of ceremonies.

The first day starts around 5:00PM when the monks from the Wat (Buddhist Pagoda) will come to the village. They will perform a number of ceremonies blessing the bride and groom. These generally involve a lot of chanting, exchange of gifts and burning of incense etc.. It is quite awesome to watch as the songs are all very ancient and the monks in their saffron robes look totally regal. The most difficult thing will be for the groom (at this wedding at least) to sit in the traditional pose – i.e.: not cross legged and not with his feet facing the monks (man-o-man!).

The second day is the main day when friends and relatives will arrive from all around the country. They are expecting upwards of 1,000 people – so it should be be pretty special. There will a variety of ceremonies in the morning starting quite early (may be 7:00AM) – this time performed by the Achar – the guy from the Pagoda that helps to arrange and perform all traditional ceremonies.  The ceremonies will happen all day at different times – with no set schedule. You will probably be milling about most of the time, checking in on the ceremonies from time to time and sometimes being part of a ceremony. One ceremony will involve the groom dressing up as the King to have his shoes cleaned by the bride ( ;o) ). Another is all the married couples who attend the wedding form a large circle and tie the hands of the bride and groom together. Everyone passes around three incense sticks followed by the throwing of jasmine flowers on the newly weds. Another involves a sacred sword together with the rings being placed on fingers. Another is where one or two comedians (usually male and female) perform a dancing/talking/comedy show and cut a lock of hair from the bride and groom. It also entails an amount of roasting of the groom (man-o-man! ;o) ).

The afternoon and evening of the second day is what Westerners generally consider the same as the reception. It is the time when all the guests come to sit and eat. There will people arriving and then leaving again as they make room for others. The tradition in Cambodia is for the guests to leave an amount of money in an envelope at the door after eating. This will lead onto an amount of singing and dancing late into the night.

We intend to have some bands coming from Phnom Penh – so hopefully it should be a good show. We also intend to be catering western food for some tables.

Word of warning – Cambodian weddings are famous for having VERY loud music playing VERY late. This will probably be very hard for the bride and groom to control as it is mostly part of the contemporary culture. In this case, if you don’t want to have loud music blaring in your ears until 4:00AM then it is best to let us know so that we can ensure your accommodation is outside the vicinity of the late-night-party area. Some men of the village will like to drink. Especially the young men. They have a famous saying – which actually rings true when you think about it. It is (as spoken in English much of the time) “Drink for drunk. If not for drunk – drink for what?“…. and when they say drunk they really mean drunk

The third day generally starts at about 4:00AM when a series of further ceremonies will continue through to about 9:00AM. I am not a full bottle on what these ceremonies entail but I will endeavor to let you know.

Other things to remember include:

  • Ken and Sokha’s availability
    • We will probably be quite busy during the ceremonies and as such it might be a good idea for you to identify and get to know the Khmer-English speakers who are part of organizing the wedding.
      • Sokha’s cousin – Sineth – has excellent English and is a very respectful, intelligent and thoughtful guy.
      • Sokha’s two youngest brothers – Piseth and Kim San have a reasonably good working knowledge of English. They are respectful, intelligent and thoughtful guys also.
    • If you feel self conscience when trying to talk to a local person then don’t worry it will pass. Cambodians much prefer quality of content from you in a conversation rather than quantity. Quantity of time in a conversation though is respected 
    • Remember many Cambodians speak English but you need to listen carefully and speak slowly 
  • What to wear
    • Cambodia is a tropical climate so be prepared for relatively warm and humid weather. Having said that, the time of the wedding has been set to coincide with the coolest time of year. The days maximum temperature would be around mid to late twenties (Celsius).
    • In general you would want to try to look pretty special but also be aware that the wedding will take place surrounded by rice-fields, cows, and chickens. There are no paths or paving so high-heals are out. Also you will be expected to take off your shoes whenever you walk into a house or building – so something easy to slip on and off is a good idea. 
    • Cambodians generally cover-up. Hence, the dresses of the women are generally long and the men all wear long trousers and long-sleeved shirts. If you don’t want to do this then it is fine really – exceptions are totally understood and are acceptable for the crazy foreigners ;o)

Cambodia Generally

Language Barrier
There are many Cambodians that have a good working knowledge of English now. You will find that there are a lot more people speaking English in Cambodia than in Vietnam or Thailand for example. You will find that a lot of the older people speak French also. In the village where the wedding will take place, most people will only be able to speak Khmer. You will find the communication barrier very difficult to overcome in the short term. If you want to try to learn a bit of Khmer then you can try this web site. I encourage you to try to at least learn some basics – like: water, thank you, hello, goodbye, thank you, can I have a beer please. Cambodians love to hear people at least trying to speak their language. If you cannot speak any Khmer and the person you are with cannot speak English then all you will do is be able to smile and giggle at each other.

Laughing and Smiling
In regard to smiling and laughing in Cambodia – it generally takes on a different meaning. Smiling and laughing is not used just when you find something amusing – it is also used to:

  • Try to create a nice atmosphere
  • Show you that the person wants to be friends
  • Ease the tension if there is somesort of anxiety in the present mood

Some westerners take this as a falsehood and tend to dislike it when a Cambodian is smiling and laughing when there is nothing to smile or laugh about. I encourage you to throw that perception away whilst you are here. If someone is smiling and laughing for no reason then the best thing you can do is to smile and laugh also. You will find that the falsehood soon turns into a genuinely nice feeling and a warmth that will unite the two of you.

Learning to Greet People
Don’t you find that if someone cannot give you a good handshake then you tend to think less of them? If someone doesn’t know how to greet you properly then you feel they are a bit strange or odd. Well of course – this is a natural reaction. If you can learn how to greet properly in Cambodia then the people here will really appreciate you and have greater respect for you.

Traditionally people in Cambodia do not shake hands. The shaking of hands is done (and is becoming more commonplace) – but it is a foreign concept. Traditionally Cambodians greet by using a sompayak. This is done by putting your hands together (like in a praying-type arrangement), holding the tips of your fingers under your nose and saying chumree-uhp soo-uh . Sometimes this is combined with the bowing of your head – especially to older people.

Please understand that respect for older people than you is very much appreciated and respected in Cambodia.

Traffic
To say that the traffic management system in Cambodia is completely ludicrous, hopeless and a ridiculous mess is an understatement. I believe it to be the MOST dangerous thing in Cambodia – much worse than the guns or the drugs. Basically there is only one rule on the road – if I can get to that spot on the road before you then I have the right of way.

Additionally, readers of the famous children’s books of Asterix will remember that the Gauls had an irrational fear of the sky falling on their heads. I have been told that young Cambodian males between the ages of 17 to 25 have a similar irrational fear when riding a motorbike. They believe that if they go slower than 60km/hr then their $20 hairstyles will all of a sudden disappear. They believe swerving in and out traffic at high speed affords them a level of increased sensibility to their god and that stopping at anytime on the road will turn them into a giant mushroom.

Be very careful and drive slowly and carefully if you are driving. Also make sure to pick placid and thoughtful moto or tuk-tuk drivers if you are taking any rented transport.

Things to Make Sure to Have with You
Here is a list of things that I think you might consider having with you where ever you go:

  1. A small pocket-light – makes things a lot easier navigating at night time.
  2. Raincoat (depending on the weather)
  3. Access to water
  4. Buscopan (we will have some in good supply for everyone)
    1. Unless you want to feel like you are giving birth to a 20 lbs baby
  5. Slip on/off scandals or shoes
  6. A hat
  7. A phone
  8. Toothpicks – I don’t know what it is – may be something to do with the weather and humidity. After eating meat, if you don’t use a toothpick then your breath will get super-smelly within a few short hours. Always good to have some toothpicks handy.
  9. Hammocks are a good idea in the village as it can be difficult to find a comfy spot to rest sometimes.

I will add to this list as time gets closer to the wedding

Health Considerations
Don’t worry about any of the stupid preventative medicine shots the doctors will recommend. It is a waste of time and money and the bad effects you get from the drugs will be far worse than the disease anyway. Plus the likelihood of you picking something up is minimal. The only one doctors here recommend is Hepatitus B shots – which can help prevent complications resulting from eating contaminated food.

As mentioned above – always good to have some Buscopan – which stops severe stomach cramps. Having some Royal D can also be a good idea – it is a re-hydration salt and tastes nice. We can hook you up with all this stuff when you get here.

Sitting and Shoes
Cambodians very much prefer to sit on the floor. This is not from a lack of money and inability to afford furniture – they actually like to sit on the floor rather than a chair. Floors are usually a lot cooler. In certain ceremonies, especially if there is a statue of Buddha or a monk then you should sit with the soles of your feet facing away from that person or statue.

Also remember – you should always remove your shoes when walking into someone’s house. You will usually see a line-up of shoes in front the door – which can serve as a reminder for you to remove your shoes.

Don’t Be Surprised About

  • Cows sleeping under the house at night
  • Dogs barking at you. They are generally all guard dogs in the village and not house pets. Some can be friendly but generally they won’t take kindly to strangers
  • Karaoke and drinking is a cool pastime 
  • Sometimes peoples houses can be totally full of spider webs – it’s weird. The only conclusion I can come to is that they are left in place to capture mosquitos

Major Cultural Things to Know

In western society we tend to externalize our problems – i.e.: tell people about it, share the injustice, complain about the inconvenience etc.. In Cambodia the the first action when confronted with a problem is an expectation to internalize it – i.e.: deal with it, don’t complain, tough it out, find a reason to accept it. You will gain respect if you take responsibility for a problem and solve it – yes – but if you take responsibility and don’t solve it then expect ridicule ;o)

You might want to try to understand that the reason certain problems manifest themselves in Cambodia is more a result of circumstance not a lack of intelligence. The circumstances and environment in Cambodia are very much more influenced a lack of money. This lack of money situation has a large impact on how much people are prepared to trust each other. Thus institutions, and even smaller organizational structures are often absent and / or hard to sustain. This can give rise to circumstances where you will find yourself thinking “This is a simple problem to solve. Why is this problem here when it is so easy to solve “. The answer is invariably related to this lack of money impacting social cohesion. That is – it impacts organizational intelligence – not individual intelligence.

For example, you will notice that people’s personal hygiene, personal interactions and dress are extremely well taken care of – however public amenities and public spaces can be very neglected and unhygienic.

I will add more stuff here as they come to mind also.

Cheers and have a great time :o)